I wrote this to A friend but its really a letter to everyone who is interested in just one small Journey through Life
I bought quite a few copies of Maverick in a remainder shop in Greenwich and gave them to staff and clients other business associates too.
I was in the property Business I had a Residential and Commercial Estate Agency/consultancy in London Docklands and A group of development companies which I disposed of between 2000 and 2005
I built up my business from 1990 to 2000 and concentrated soley on my development and investment companies from 1997 to 2003. I always kept my teams very small and had a large extended organisation of professional advisors who were employed specific to individual projects my intention was never to create some sort of Business Empire my sole objective was very narrow in that I wanted to soley make Money and get out. I really didn't enjoy the experience It made me very selfish and ultimately very ill although Financially it made me independant. My Business career showed me the worse of human greed in myself and also in my business partners investors and everyone who shared a place at the Trough with me it was truly a terrible experience but one that taught me quite a lot as did being one of the Rich in a world with too much poverty.
When I sold my main company in 2003 my world fell apart My wife and I divorced I became a drug addicted alcoholic i spent 2 years more or less trying to self destruct I attempted suicide and did all I could to self destruct it was a very lonely time and if not for my wealth at that time I think I would have sunk without trace. When I became a father i cleaned up and found a sense of purpose and responsibility I had never felt before and since 2005 when my Daughter was born I have become the person I always was inside and that sense of responsibility has changed my whole world view. Politically I always leaned to the left partly due to my upbringing partly through a sense of Guilt now I don't think in those terms at all I think in terms of a fair and safe and sustainable world where my children can discover who they are on their own terms in their own time and foster a feeling of belonging to a society or at least a community and family that cares about them as individuals.
I have had the luxury of a lot of time to think and heal and to pursue interests such as music to the absolute extent that I could ever wish to, so I count myself very fortunate. That said my financial independence is sorely at risk due to restoring my English Country Estate having borrowed money to do it following my divorce, my ex wife and I split everything 50/50 on which I have no quibble at all although the economic reality of being divorced was something I didn't acknowledge during my break down and I made some pretty dumb decisions, again decisions that would have led me to sink without trace apart from the very advantageous position I started from, ultimately being sold short by my bankers has made a considerable difference to my economic reality but when all is said and done I consider myself much richer now than when I had many Millions of Pounds in Cash sat in an Irish Bank on the Isle of Man. whilst all of that is another story my wish is to live quietly and modestly( by my standards ) in Sweden and help my Children get the best possible education both academically and in life without the differences that would have made life for them in England very difficult, Public School and so on wasn't a world view i really wanted them to grow up with my first instincts when I gave up business were to create a bubble for myself which I realised was a very unhealthy thing to have done now and I didn't want to remain in my gilded cage and subject my children to that level of dysfunctional delusion.
And so to the future and what will be not what was and might have been.
Hopefully that gives you some idea of where my perspective is drawn from, I like Sweden very much but I am essentially something of a recluse these days I have partied enough for three life times and still feel quite alienated from society and Government and very much from business and banking. I'm not sure how much that will change over time I do care very deeply about people but do not feel very well equipped to express how much I care in a wider sense about other people I do see bigger pictures very clearly and I can explain complicated or difficult concepts to others that they may struggle with as with other people there are some things that come very easily to me and understanding complex and diverse systems is one of them. For now I am still trying to fill the role of Father and Partner which I enjoy but which isn't that natural to me and that is really my main ambition in life not to cause any damage to the development of my Children as people. Thats quite a sad part of my own story growing up and which I still struggle with but I think will still take me some time to work past completely. These days I find that I am much more comfortable and content but do still have issues with Bi Polar which I have learned to control, I no longer Drink alcohol or smoke anything and I also try to keep an even routine without over stimulating and seek a balance, balance is difficult due to my manic and obsessive tendencies but I at least try to keep my sleep patterns and rest patterns as regular as possible which moderates my swings. Whilst I recognise some delusional tendencies still I have trained myself not to act immediately on any impulse or beliefs and to slow down and just take time over everything a kind of wake up and smell the roses approach. I guess the parrallels of bi polar in individuals to model one single loop learning are quite striking, they are to me at any rate. I was in therapy privately for over ten years which greatly limited the damage which my bi polar could ultimately have wrought upon my life
the two lost years I actually think were good for me in some ways as having survived them I can draw strength from what I remember of those years.
I subscribed to a new site called e gravatar the other day which allows you to put various profiles into one place I still haven't figured out what its for exactly but heres a link it had my myspaces you tube channel and linked in profile links a link to a blog I started on 5th April, the LPA receivers sold The Mansion at my Estate and all its Land on that date at a considerable undervalue although not much of a shortfall to the mortgage debt, I felt that it was a big mile stone in my economic life so I figured i'd try and document the journey from that point in time. Part of my research on banking is to do with a constitutional approach to the Mortgage contract and the nature of physical security and its valuation and further repayment beyond security and recovery for sale of assets at undervalue. The laws of fixed charge receivership are pretty arcane and are largely drawn from the perspective of the banks for obvious reasons an irony of Common Law and the precedent system and a further failure of the state to protect the individual from vested financial interests. I am working on my approach to the question of my own banking complaints with my London Solicitors Davies Arnold Cooper and have resolved to do what I can if I am able to afford to both in terms of time and mental capacity without depriving my family of both a comfortable standard of living and the large part of my energy to be a present and loving father.
I hope we are able to have a continued discussion regarding a way forward for society and communities Roy, I was going to read some more Schon and Argyris today in between finishing off a recording of a song I have been writing called Let them Eat Cake.